Kenny's Cafe Corner

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My 2007 Anti-Resolutions
This is my list of anti-resolutions. For an idea of what this is all about, read
this blog post. Then drag your friggin' ass back over here and read my list!! :p Pretty please?

1. I will not let my hair 'down' again...oops! I mean 'up' because my unruly recalcitrant shag of dead cells are as spiky as ever. I now have a bottle of wet-look gel AND some hair wax (you sure that's for hair and not for my car?) to flatten my natural porcupine look. Wish me luck.


2.I will not masturbate less often and hopefully delay the onset of total blindness, even though my glasses get thicker and thicker by the year. Okay, maybe I'll pull back a bit...to *only* twice everyday.


3. I will not 'choreograph' my guinea pigs in kamasutra poses no matter how much I enjoy seeing them squeal in confusion. The bigger pet would usually mount the smaller one to assert dominance. However, I don't tolerate bullying in my home so I would set things right by positioning the smaller piggy on top of the larger one.


4. I will not flip the finger and stick out the tongue at all those f^&*ing c@$#s*&$ers who drive recklessly on Kay Elle roads endangering my life and the lives of all good people be they pedestrians or motorists. Being more graceful, from now on I will just throw them a stream of choice words such as: "Where are you rushing off to you bl*%8#$ stupid @$$ #$%&^&ing cr$%&34ore reeming impatient dumb@$$ pissant twit!?!!"


5. I will not refer to someone as 'sohai' (stupid cunt) anymore.


6. I will not give my relatives that glassy-eyed-wishing-i'm-somewhere-else look whenever they ask me when I'm gonna get married, settle down and start a football team. From now on, I'll tell them I love gay sex and I'm lobbying for the Malaysian government to legalize same-sex marriages.
:: posted by Kenny, 5:50 PM

2 Comments:

good.. i like this article!!!!
Blogger stanley, at 1:49 AM  
Haha...thanks stan!
Not entirely proud of it though...coz i don't mean most of the things i wrote...was just trying to be...interesting.
;)
Blogger Kenny, at 10:24 PM  

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